Introspection #1

*look at me address a serious issue of my head in a (trying t be) funny way*

*feeling great with Kashaf Shaikh and 50 others*

Get to business, bitch!

Whenever I sit to do some introspection, I somehow end up finding faults all around me and blaming the universe for my state.

Change that. Period.

When I was going through some these so-called introspective modes, I realized that togetherness is a tough job. Simple.

I, for once, have currently become so repulsive to any sort of companionship. Any kind of loving touch, talk or feel makes me feel like an alien. And feeling like an alien is not good. It feels irritating. Maybe it is my cranky pants (that still make my ass look great), but also because I am tired of second hand, fake and judgments. This statement right here made no sense, maybe, but hopefully after the whole article is over, there will be a good understanding between opinions, yours and mine

  1. Second hand:

Everybody, my age (including me, of course) has been in love, relationships, affairs or even had at least one crush for that matter. Right now, no one can be considered as a fresh soul, that hasn’t felt “that” way. (Yes I fall short of words when I come to describe this feeling)

And thus it scares me to think that if a person already liked someone else, they can still like that person again. Or maybe they still do, or maybe they never will. What if they liked me, and then there comes this possibility next day they will not like me at all. (Fear of rejection? Nah)

Just weighing the possibilities around.

2. Fake:

My biggest fear. Not only fake “other people” but fake “me” at times too. Because it is a human tendency (that comes saving our necks every time) to be fake once in a while.

I do that. I do become someone I am not. And I hate myself later while I am regressing through the day. But sometimes, you just can’t help. Similarly, what if something someone told me once was fake and I took it seriously? What if someone also said something they never meant? What if I had said something that I never meant? Goosebumps. And what about those fake people around, those two-faced people, those born copycats? Those born wannabes? What about all of them who are trying who hurt my peaceful life? (Paranoid? Nah!)

Strive to be your original best. Period.

3. Judgments:

And by judgments, I don’t mean the people who only judge your behavior or words. There are worse cases. There are people who judge you for the way you look, for the way you carry yourself.

Judgments have not only always been my biggest issue with humanity but they are the biggest issue I have with me too. I can’t really understand the reason or thought behind a particular person’s behavior and I do sometimes tend to judge them. What if I judged them wrong? That’s why I love brutally honest people who say what they mean, even if it’s mean. But then again there have to be some rules applied to the way you say them to me because I may get offended by the truth. We all do.

Oh no, I see human tendency winking at me through the shades.

And judgments also include(it actually doesn’t but I am not putting another subhead) the fact that people love you for what you look like or for the way you go about your day. Your style. They don’t see that strength waiting to be appreciated. They don’t see those thoughts that hurt your head at night. And they claim to know you, love you. They don’t. That’s infatuation (my sister taught me that long back, but now do I understand).

It scares me, basically to know that people love me because of something temporary and physical and not something relevant to the definition of “love” itself. Searching for true love? Nah.

Just adding bullet points to the research: “love does not exist”. Period.

[No conclusion whatsoever]

Period.

The word warrior left your thoughts hanging down the cliff this time! Bye bye.

KashafS

(I still did not spare the signing off, did I? )

 

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