Disclaimer: The post is going to be very long. Approx 1,400 words. read it if you can commit to reading all the way down there, without judging, questioning or opinionating (these words have also been constantly repeated over and over agin all through this post. Dont read if you cant handle the idea behind me writing this post) It is a lot about me, so if you are not interested, free to leave. Also, have a positive approach while reading it, it also has some parts that might motivate you!
This is something I had inside of me since a long, long time.
It was inside me because:
- People used damned philosophical taunts to their rescue.
- People got all serious and mad about it.
- People did not understand. NEVER.
- People made me sound wrong and guilty.
(It scares me to think of the number of times I have actually apologized)
But you know, people can be hypnotic, so much so that you forget to remember that you should not be bothering about what they think, say or do. Here people could be a synecdoche for society, friends, and even family for that matter (sin).
So yes, reviving myself, reminding myself that I should not give a fuck to what these PEOPLE think, because, I am who I am and as I read or heard or saw somewhere, that I am who I am because of what happened to me, and how I dealt with it. I cannot agree more. I also believe that everybody’s life has been a unique experience for themselves. And thus, everybody is different from the others in their own little way. Moral: Everyone is someone different.
Okay, so getting back to PEOPLE, and ME.
*Here comes the human tendency to rescue the world of any accusations. And here comes “no one is perfect” to our rescue when you fucked up bad!*
This is about me, and whatever way you wish to rescue yourself, you please may. But I need to type this down and have it to show them who question me next time. *not that I owe you an answer fellas*
I have never said this out loud, never thought of it all at once, let alone having formulated such a long answer XD
Starting with the triggers: People call me “self-proclaimed tomboy” these days. *makes me laugh* like yes, I do call myself a tomboy. And that more than anything, is the biggest reason I am one because I believe myself to be. It is also very true that I get pissed and hurt when people call me “girly” or stereotype me as one. I HATE BEING STEREOTYPED. Come on, who does not? Let alone being called a typical girl, I don’t even want to be called a typical tomboy. I mean is it not my wish, how I want to be, a girl or a tomboy? Or is it not my choice when I hate being called a girl? And shouldn’t my friends respect my choices and the person I am, and not question me?
WHY THIS INJUSTICE? XD
It feels like people want me or force me to follow the particular rules. If I am a tomboy, I am not allowed to be girl-like. And just because I like being a girl sometimes, they will disown me from the title of “tomboy”. The deal is, even if I am being a girl for a difference, I don’t want to feel guilty about it. And calling me a “girl” right then does the feat, mind you. So it hurts. Hurts not as in serious injury to my emotions, but it triggers my ego. I don’t oppose being a girl, I am one, and I like being it, I am no part of an anti-girl squad, neither am I a feminist. I am only biologically a girl.
Coming to the tomboy part of it. There is a serious reason I am like what I am. Tomboy was a stereotype on me since I was born. I have been like boys, with boys and everything boys. When puberty arrived at my door, I could not handle the expectations of PEOPLE wanting to finally see me as a girl. it took long to learn to be a lady. And I thus skipped being a girl, to being a lady. *deleting the part when it was all such a big responsibility being a girl and how difficult it was to get over being a boy which in turn made me awkward and basically a jerk).
It is a recent development that I started accepting myself, as a whole, heart, mind, and soul. Now I know how to protect my choices, my likes. You see, they are MINE. That gives me the whole right over them because they come from my HEART, to even change them without prior notice. BECAUSE I AM FUCKING NOT ANSWERABLE. *takes a deep breath*
You don’t judge me, or question me over any of those. And I don’t care about your opinions.
Here’s the deal:
I agree, confess, whatever, that I am a tomboy and that being one does not disown me from the right to wear girlish, look girlish or be girlish. Who even made them rules? *itxz mah lyff and mah rulzz* XD
I am a tomboy, and that does not make me liable to be like every other tomboy in this damned world. And just because you are one and you like/dislike something, does not make it a rule for me to like/dislike the same thing. Just like not all guys are the same (I believe that) and not all girls are the same, all tomboys are not the same.
So I like love stories, girly dresses, putting on eyeliner and lip color (“make-up”, if you say so). Go on, give your opinion and your theory and measurements and experiments and results and fuck whatever, say, say it “ you are not a tomboy” or you don’t THINK I am one.
- Who are you to decide what/who I am/am not? It is my choice, I don’t mind. Even if you do, I don’t care!
- I don’t need to know what you think unless it is an opinion put in the most humble way and it is a question which humbly ACCEPTS the answer and not demeans a being instead.
Also, many things I said here might have sounded ironical to many. I like that. I like the way I can be an irony within myself. I like the way I can be portrayed in many forms. I like the feeling of being confusing, mysterious even. And I love myself. I am not guilty of being a narcissist and I love the way I look and to capture those angles according to how I see myself. (lemme take a selfie)
Now, I don’t mind changing. I am not afraid. It takes some time to adapt to changes, true. But I do manage it, and it would be a help if people do not make it harder.
That’s me: adventurous, outspoken, blunt, quirky, crazy, dressed up, not dressed up, tea-loving, teddy bear-addict, reader, writer, speaker, philosopher(I got some really good ones if you talk to me 😉 ) I drink a lot of tea, and I am carefree. I do mess up relations very bad. I do judge people. Involuntarily. And I also apologize when I realize I did. I put forward opinions humbly and positively. I constantly try being better and help everyone to do so too.
Lastly (hopefully the last thing that comes to my mind) don’t, please, don’t roll; your eyes and sigh with disbelief after having read all this. It wasn’t aimed at anyone in particular but actually, an answer to everybody who do feel aimed at. 😛 (was that smart? No?). It was for the seamless questions from the society in form of taunts. I was not because I felt answerable, but I did feel misunderstood. That’s my weakness, I always feel misunderstood. I am trying better every day to spare that emotion. Help me through it. And I will prove that one good turn deserves a thousand others. I also meant no bragging or being mean. I wasn’t worked up, angry or sick of the people around. I did this long post not because I felt desperate for people to understand me or accept me.
It was because I wanted people to know. To illustrate the fact that if you think of yourself as something, you are it, without further questions. Period. End of story.
PS: Always think well about yourself and do not underestimate YOU, leave alone letting the hypnotic, cruel, judgmental world do so.
Questioning what I do is still closer to being acceptable as compared to questioning what I am.
Word from The Word Warrior,