A brilliant Girl!

This is a story from the first day of this month. The time when my admissions were going on. It was a messy and tiring time. All those weeks-long waits, the college visits, and the Mumbai rains to top them all- everything had taken a toll on me, my temper, health, and even writing for that matter. It was the second list of colleges and I was still not selected in any of them. In a complete hopeless state of mind, I dragged my two left feet from one college to the other. on my way, swinging with raging attitude, I came across a man who asked me the address of the college where I was headed myself. In my confused state of mind, I told him to take the next right, while I was actually pointing toward the left and the man’s confused expression made me laugh at myself.

Well, this was a very decent explanation of what happened before the real story starts (keeping low on drama). The man was on a vintage scooter and he started speaking from at least a 2-meter distance from me. He started randomly introducing himself as the scriptwriters of one of the famous comic shows in India. I was very embarrassed by my lack of manners and brains when I realized who he was. He called me over and told me that he was a psychiatrist of some sort too. The mental situation I was in, did not help me remember that I should not talk with strangers be it anybody. So I did, talk to him, and I did very well.

He said that he had like my attitude and that seashore was lucky to have found him. There were girls auditioning at the college for the show and he liked me and was talking to me free of cost. All in all, he was a self-claimed celebrity since I had never seen him on TV before. he was somehow able to read my mind and that was what kept me rooted to the spot, talking, instead of running away with an excuse. he told me things from my past, and present and completely described what my psychological phase was right then.

He called me “dynamic” and kept saying that I was a brilliant girl, who was capable of lots. He said a number of more things and asked me to repeat a few sentences like: “I am lucky to have met you, sir” “I am a brilliant girl”, etc. He also somehow convinced me to sit with him on his scooter since we had the same destination and I did so with some hesitation.

Now he started becoming creepy. But the fact that I was still with him for another 30-40 minutes made me feel scared that I was being hypnotized. His creepiness level went up one bar when he started asking me to come closer. I asked him to park and got down as soon as we stopped. I was still talking with him and he was intent upon making me change my psychology about life. That was the only good part left in this conversation now. He said he was trying to bring out the fearless side of me, and wanted me to dare to be better. Which I thought was inappropriate because of course I am fearless and daring. I told him I liked writing and he said that I was a lucky girl and would be presented with whatever I wanted in future, but only with some difficulties in the beginning. He said that I concentrate too much on the negative aspects of life and situations rather than seeing the counterpart. This again was only half true because I am clearly the optimist kind.

I have edited this post big time, deleting away the creepier details, the way our conversation went on. I pretended to be on a phone, which made him mad, and I coldly apologized because I had heard enough. I was already so full of thoughts and this stranger had given me more. I walked away foggy headed and he rode away. I dangerously crossed the road to his another side, and went to the college to check lists.

I had another near-panic-attack and disappointment washed over me when I saw the list void my name. I even waited for another 100 minutes for the college principle to talk some issues out. The day was such a mess, i left college with heavy head and bad temper. Thankfully, the college is across the sea face where i sat for the next hour or so, eating corns and crying out my frustration. Somehow, the man’s words from earlier that day were of no help, taking into account the creepiness, i still doubted the genuine. I was raged at myself and was sitting in the dramatic setting of dark clouds, heavy rains and a wide sea in front of me. I chose to ignore the irritating cat calls of a group of hooligans sitting on the sea shore too. They were decent guys but would you call them so when they were cat-calling to a girl who was probably sitting in utter depression? I was full of tears to the brim. i waited for them to fall, i thought of last night, and even realised that my eyes were still swollen under the mascara. Brilliant girl? Is that so? I pondered upon the words, the things about myself that I was told, some true some madly wrong. I was not able to make up my mind whether to accept advice or to act as if today never happened. I gave my leftover corn to a crow who was croaking desperately next to me. I was soaked in the rains and shivering with cold, alone, depressed(completely dramatic, but yeah, true) I ignored calls from friends and the ones I did pick up, I lied when I said I was annoying “me-time”

After all, I could not possibly explain what had happened or what was going on. there was a sea of thoughts ion my head just like in front of me. the waves took me with them as I stared unseeing, into the horizon, which kept moving further, and unclear from my view as my thoughts kept tangling me with themselves.

The horizon with itself, took away the thoughts further, with the waves that deserted me, only to come running back at night, with the tears and the emotions along….

PS: Sorry for being MIA for as long as this. Now that the admissions are over and I am in a well-known college of my choice doing a course that I love, all these emotions are not heartfelt, but the draft did make me want to share this day with all of you, readers. Hats off to them who made it this far down. Love you, my enthusiasts!! 😛

The Word Warrior©

KashafS

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