DISCLAIMER: This post is in sharp and strict contradiction with one of my previous posts, cursing love: Nothing Like Love. It is not that I believe in love already, NO. I will when I can say that I lived “happily ever after”. But when someone out there trying so hard to make it that way, I will not let him down. Especially for you and for our little funny and weird relationship. A warning to run when you still can 😛 . It’s dark and complicated with me. Just so you know what you are in for!!
*Katy Perry’s Dark Horse Plays in the background*
“So you wanna play with magic? Boy you should know wat you’re falling for”
Jokes apart, the real post here:
Another soul came my way, trying to light up the dark insides. But can anyone even do that? I don’t care if they don’t. I love to have people who love me. I have been through tough times and it won’t be easy to get into something knowing that those times are coming back, the history is repeating. But it feels different this time. It feels harder to let go…
His eyes wide,
I remember them just so well,
That fair skin, paler,
His trembling hands,
Holding mine, afraid.
His heartbeats, I heard,
So afraid was I,
Of my own tears,
Thet never showed,
Of my heart, void of feelings,
That could break his,
So thoughtful was I,
Seeing his love,
Would this be it?
Will he leave?
But then he slipped his hands,
I looked up in shock,
Knowing that dark befalls yet again,
Another one had come,
And he’d be gone,
For my heartless soul,
For my empty, loveless insides,
But he took me back,
Held me this time, closer,
And hugged me for what seemed like forever.
©The Word Warrior
It will be difficult for me to feel again. I know. It is very difficult to cry or to have any emotion whatsoever. I know I could be smiling and happy because that is what my heart chooses to feel. When the bad times fall, this heart just refuses to feel anything at all. It becomes like a cold stone making myself so cold. people might think that I have no feelings, but I think that it’s my heart now, numb with pain, that it feels pain no more. Just melts with warm happiness.
This is for dearest you, to understand, that I shall take time. But you are the one I wish to provide with the love that I craved for all this time. I know you need it, want it. And after all is said and done, you do make my heart warm and it just melts to see you. But I won’t take any more pain like any other normal human being. I don’t want you to go, leave, not yet. Not when I actually get attached. I know I look weird, but that’s just me for now. Accept this mess as your own. Because she is yours now…
©The Word Warrior In Love Again!
PS: I know I take sharp turns with bluntly hurting and sounding funny and then going all dark. It is out of order, just like me! But lost and messy is how I define myself, right?